The Last Ephor

"You American haters bore me to tears, Ms. Barham. I've dealt with Europeans all my life. I know all about us parvenus from the States who come over here and race around your old Cathedral towns with our cameras and Coca-cola bottles... Brawl in your pubs, paw at your women, and act like we own the world. We over-tip, we talk too loud, we think we can buy anything with a Hershey bar. I've had Germans and Italians tell me how politically ingenuous we are, and perhaps so. But we haven't managed a Hitler or a Mussolini yet. I've had Frenchmen call me a savage because I only took half an hour for lunch. Hell, Ms. Barham, the only reason the French take two hours for lunch is because the service in their restaurants is lousy. The most tedious lot are you British. We crass Americans didn't introduce war into your little island. This war, Ms. Barham to which we Americans are so insensitive, is the result of 2,000 years of European greed, barbarism, superstition, and s...

No, I am not kidding . If this makes any sense to you at all, please explain it to me in the comments

It is with no great modesty that I boldly predict this movie will be an abject failure. The creators and stars probably think this movie is somehow patriotic or will "resignate" with Middle America because it shows the brave, noble soldier against The Evil System Chimpy McHaliburton Regime. Sorry folks, ain't gonna happen. Unless or until they make a movie that shows the troops in an heroic light like fighting and winning a major battle, Middle America will be staying home.

I'm an avid fan of LOST but seldom write about it because nobody's interested around here (nobody's interested in any of your posts yet you still write them. -Ed). Anyway.... I think Desmond is the key to the show. He's the alpha and the omega. I don't mean that in a biblical fashion but rather that the saga of the island really starts and ends with him. He's not the first on the island but the mysteries largely revolve around him. Notice that his story parallels Odysseus. His love is also named Penelope and he was lost at sea and has been fighting to return to her for years. He has become "unstuck in time" just like Billy Pilgrim in Slaughterhouse Five. He is living his life out of sequence and it's driving him mad. The Constant he has chosen is Penny. Notice that Mr. Widmore was bidding on a book owned by one of Torvald Hanso who we can only assume is related to Alvar. The contents of the book are unknown but are obviously very importan...

(With apologies to Mr. Ayers for the hyperbole) An event filled weekend. First of all, I did something that I rarely do. I went out for the evening. I'm something of a homebody largely because my job and my kids pretty much run me into the ground by the time the weekend rolls around. I do go out once in a while with friends or dinner with the wife but those are rather infrequent. On Saturday I was invited to a beer tasting. That's enough to get me motivated and out of the house for once. The twist here is that the host of said beer tasting was hosted by Don Viti (Yes I know I'm breaking my own rule but more on that in a moment). My trip to the Fever Swamp of Delaware Liberalism DV's house started with this guy bringing my trip to a halt. I saw the car in the woods and knew that whoever was in that car was in pretty bad shape. Good thing I don't believe in omens. I follow ever faithful Google Maps to find the house and turn into the driveway. I park ...

I'm an average guy with an average life. I have a few more kids than most but for the most part I'm just an anonymous lumpenprole toiling away in obscurity both professionally and on this blog. To say my life follows a certain routine is like saying " The Hindenburg caught fire." That is to say, technically accurate but wildly understates the truth. In any event, I just received a call from The Wife. To wit: "Did you order something?" "No, why?" "There's something here for you." "Uh, box, bag, envelope, singing telegram?" "It's a box" "Who's is from?" "It's from [Name redacted pending confession or further investigation]" "Who?" "(repeats name)" "No idea. Never heard of him." A quick google search later I find that the sender's return address is in the wilds of northern Pennsylvania. A place I have never visited. "Open it." "W...

My four word alliterative movie review for Sideways ; Full frontal flopping Friendly .

Sorry Hube, scooped again

annavenger tagged me Here's how it works: In the 8 facts about [name], you share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you. Then at the end you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going. Each blogger must post these rules first. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog. 1. I'm left handed 2. I was in commercials as a kid 3. I have 19 first cousins 4. I have passed the Mensa entrance exam 5. I have no desire for fame and cannot understand the appeal of being famous. 6. Ironically, I find myself becoming more compassionate as I get older 7. I (used to) brew my own beer. Now I'm just too time poor. 8. I can speak, read and write French fluently. I'm ...

Ya know, some people claim to be Iron Man fans but that's the second time I've scooped him...

Japanese pitcher gettin' tricky . So awesome.

Your results: You are Dr. Doom Dr. Doom 77% Lex Luthor 74% Apocalypse 67% Magneto 62% Mr. Freeze 62% Venom 55% Kingpin 54% Juggernaut 53% The Joker 50% Riddler 48% Catwoman 42% Green Goblin 41% Mystique 37% Dark Phoenix 31% Two-Face 25% Poison Ivy 24% Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity. Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

I've often said that Hollywood hates it's customers. It's not hyperbole or exaggeration. They hate them but want their money. They're like the Carnies of old that referred to everyone as "marks" and "rubes". They placate us with tripe in hopes of wringing cash from us. Now they're wondering where the audience went . The broken monopoly of ABC, NBC and CBS haven't been able to keep up with the changing landscape. Viewers no longer see TV as a set time and place thing. Now it's viewed as a block of entertainment that ought not to be on anyone's schedule but our own. You can thank/blame Tivo and DVD's for that. Full disclosure, I'm a TiVo early adapter. I got it as a gift and have nearly wept with gratitude every day since. I may watch TV more frequently but I watch it for less time. Changing schedules doesn't usually affect me. I hardly know when my shows are on anyway. (Noted exceptions: LOST, The Shield, BS...

Hube claims to be a fan. Bah! If he were, I wouldn't have scooped him on this one. Picture from here

Andrew Sullivan and Harry Chotiner are declaring “300” a gay movie. That is, that it’s subtext is one of gay male relationships. The draw links between the modern buddy-movie and 300 by saying; "300" celebrates the male bonding that is found in most war and sports movies. What gives those films their homosexual subtext is less the sweating, shirtless males working together for victory. Rather it's the unstated assumption that unlike the men, none of the women in these men's lives will ever really grasp this singularly important, defining experience. Whatever these men and their future wives share, the women will just never "get it." However, in war and sports films, the men still hunger for a life of normalcy- settling down and raising a family with their female soulmate. But that fantasy of living happily ever after with your true love has little emotional resonance in contemporary buddy films and romances: think The Break Up, Failure to L...

This guy can't be serious. Someone please tell me this isn't serious.

The man has good taste.

John Popper arrested in Washington . Read on. He's my hero. Seriously, I wish I was rolling that heavy.

“Is George Bush Leonidas or Xerxes?” one of them asked. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Some people fall into this trap with other Hollywood fare

We're all about Formula 1 and World Rally Watching 100 rednecks drive in a circle for three hours isn't my idea of fun. Give me some turns other than left damnit! For your amusement: Here's Juan Pablo Montoya trying to kill (I'm only half joking when I say that) Kimi Raikkonen: The two were neck and neck in the points. Which also led to this incident (salty language warning): On the other side of the coin, we have World Rally Championship which feature turbo charged 4 wheel drive cars that drive off road at over 100 mph. If you like crashes, WRC is for you. These races are also different in that, they're staged. You can win some stages and lose others and still win the race. Since there's no place to pit and the course is a not a circuit they run from A to B and time you. Times are aggregated and whomever finishes with the lowest total time, wins. Here are WRC 2006 FIA Gala Official Season Highlights Sebastian Loeb must have a pact with the Prince Of D...