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So....the autism thing

Since April is nearly over and it's autism awareness month, I suppose I should talk a bit about it. I guess the best way to start is to rehash the story of How I Got Here. My oldest was born in 1999. Healthy, happy and so on. One peculiar thing he did as an infant was to avoid eye contact. Our doctor assured us it was because he was so young and his eyesight was undeveloped and he was probably focusing on something in the background that was more interesting. Besides, babies don't recognize faces for a few months after birth. Only later did we find out that our doctor was an idiot. He was 16 mos. old when his little brother was born and he was walking and making wishes known by pulling me or my wife by the hand to whatever he wanted etc. He was fascinated with the wheels on toys. If you gave him a truck he'd turn it over and spin the wheels and smile. Only later would I find out this is a major warning sign. This was our first born and what the hell did I know? ...
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compatibility

I've not spoken of this here but Depression, the Black Dog, is something I've struggled with for a very long time.  The last time I was not depressed was when I was deeply in love with a woman who saw me for who I am and loved me anyway.  I have never before or since loved someone so deeply, so completely as I did with her.  Unfortunately, I pushed her away and the pain and the loss are beyond what I could have expected.  I was married for over 20 year and  the loss of that relationship is far beyond any pain or loss I have experienced. The worst part is that it was my fault.  I cannot blame anyone else and every single day I contend with that loss. She knows this blog exists but I know she has moved on and does not read this.  I think that makes it easier to be honest. Knowing her as much as I do, she would likely roll her eyes at the fact that I am still in love with her.  She ended things and I'm quite certain that after that day she never thou...
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