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Quarantine 2008 has ended

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I'm an average guy with an average life. I have a few more kids than most but for the most part I'm just an anonymous lumpenprole toiling away in obscurity both professionally and on this blog. To say my life follows a certain routine is like saying " The Hindenburg caught fire." That is to say, technically accurate but wildly understates the truth. In any event, I just received a call from The Wife. To wit: "Did you order something?" "No, why?" "There's something here for you." "Uh, box, bag, envelope, singing telegram?" "It's a box" "Who's is from?" "It's from [Name redacted pending confession or further investigation]" "Who?" "(repeats name)" "No idea. Never heard of him." A quick google search later I find that the sender's return address is in the wilds of northern Pennsylvania. A place I have never visited. "Open it." "W...
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