Why I don't shop with my wife

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This is very strange...

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I'm an average guy with an average life. I have a few more kids than most but for the most part I'm just an anonymous lumpenprole toiling away in obscurity both professionally and on this blog. To say my life follows a certain routine is like saying " The Hindenburg caught fire." That is to say, technically accurate but wildly understates the truth. In any event, I just received a call from The Wife. To wit: "Did you order something?" "No, why?" "There's something here for you." "Uh, box, bag, envelope, singing telegram?" "It's a box" "Who's is from?" "It's from [Name redacted pending confession or further investigation]" "Who?" "(repeats name)" "No idea. Never heard of him." A quick google search later I find that the sender's return address is in the wilds of northern Pennsylvania. A place I have never visited. "Open it." "W...
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So....the autism thing

Since April is nearly over and it's autism awareness month, I suppose I should talk a bit about it. I guess the best way to start is to rehash the story of How I Got Here. My oldest was born in 1999. Healthy, happy and so on. One peculiar thing he did as an infant was to avoid eye contact. Our doctor assured us it was because he was so young and his eyesight was undeveloped and he was probably focusing on something in the background that was more interesting. Besides, babies don't recognize faces for a few months after birth. Only later did we find out that our doctor was an idiot. He was 16 mos. old when his little brother was born and he was walking and making wishes known by pulling me or my wife by the hand to whatever he wanted etc. He was fascinated with the wheels on toys. If you gave him a truck he'd turn it over and spin the wheels and smile. Only later would I find out this is a major warning sign. This was our first born and what the hell did I know? ...
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I don't get it

Things I don't get that everyone else seems to like: 1. Arrested Development (weird people and not a single character I can relate to) 2. Curb Your Enthusiasm (Larry David is annoyed by picayune things. Lather, rinse, repeat.) 3. American Idol (Marx was wrong. TV is the opiate of the masses and this is the Greater East India Company of the whole shebang) Survivor (when they give them weapons and it's winner take all, call me) Season's/Grottos (abominations both) Light Beer (you need to seriously reexamine your life if you're male and drinking this crap) The Rolling Stones (They should have stopped them dead in their tracks after Undercover was released) Rita's Water Ice (C'mon people, it's just frozen sugar water) The latest/greatest cellphone (I use mine for work and the occasional personal call) Ringtones (enough. Put is on vibrate already) Text messaging (it has it's place but sending me Anna Karenina on my cellphone is not going to endear me...
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