Women

10 Things Guys Don't Get About Women

My first thought was, "only ten"?

So I made a list:

1. What's with the shoes? How many pairs can you have? Is there some upper bound number where a woman will say "Whoa, I think I have too many shoes"?

2. Why do you like to talk on the phone so much? I really don't have anything interesting to say and even if I did, I'll wait until I see you. I only talk to people on the phone to convey information. If I could just email everybody all the time I'd probably do that and be happy.

3. Why can you not understand that sometimes men want to be left alone and no, it has nothing to do with you?

4. Why do you constantly lie to us? When we ask you what's wrong, you invariably say "nothing". If we believe you that makes things worse. Instead we're expected to either be mind readers and somehow know what the problem is or take an inventory of everything we've done in the past four weeks to determine where we went so horribly wrong.

5. Why do you spend so much time trying to divine people's motives? It must be exhausting. Instead of creating these byzantine scenarios about why your friend canceled dinner plans last week, why not just ask her and take her at face value until you have reason to believe otherwise?

6. This is related to the above: Why must you do the same with us? Seriously, men are very simple creatures. We want food, sex, sleep and some form of entertainment. That's it. Throw in a dash of solitude and we're good to go. Wanna please your man? Grill something, give him a beer and then get naked. Done.

7. Why do you tell us your problems if you don't expect us to try and fix them?

8. What's with all the cancer in girl movies? Every frickin' movie you like is about someone dying tragically from cancer and the rush to have some sort of meaning in their lives with the people around them. Can't you do that without the dying part?

9. Why do you ask our opinion on what we think you should wear and then ignore our advice? Why not just let me watch ESPN for the last 45 minutes of you getting ready in peace?

10. Why do you make us go shopping with you? We hate shopping and you hate when we want to go home 9 minutes after we get to the mall. I swear I'm going to open a sports bar in Christiana mall right smack in the middle so women can drop off their men and shop to their heart's content and men can enjoy some measure of peace.

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