So...where was I?
When we last left our hero, he was unceremoniously given the boot by CandyCo in the wake of budget cuts. I moped around despondantly for a week or so. brow furrowed and mutering to myself. The second week was actually quite nice. I fell in with the rhythm of the household. Waking when the kids did and going through the day.
Week Three: The longest break from work I've had since college. Getting concerned about finances. I called past contracts to see if they needed anyone and scoured Monster, Thingamajob, BrassRing et al. No Dice (if you'll pardon the pun).
Week Four: I'm having trouble sleeping. Worry keeps me awake. My eldest is not sleeping either. He's awake @ 2:30 AM for 6 consecutive days. He does not nap and is very aggressive. Wife and I are tired. We fall into a pattern wherein I get up with him and nap later when the baby takes one.
Week Five: Still nice to be off but being unemployed sucks. I get to spend a lot of time with the kids esp. b/c they're off from school. If there's a time to be unemployed this is it. If they were in school all day I'd be really despondant. However, having them home makes it more bearable. The market is cold and rates are dropping. I get offers in Chicago, Century City and Missiouri. Thanks but no thanks.
Week Six: Sleeplessness returns with a fury. Eldest is aggressive with crying fits and regressing with toilet training. I heard him making noise around 3:00 AM one morning. I went in to check on him. As soon as I opened the door, I knew. Flipped on the light and he had pooped in his bed and it was everywhere. He was crying and upset. I was too tired and stressed to be angry. I woke my wife and she stripped the bed while I gave him a shower.
After much ado, we throw in the towel and let him sleep with us. He manages to drift in and out of sleep. He hits us almost constantly when he's awake. I don't know if it's a desire for attention or merely frustration. When he's fading out he trails of and his hands go still. He nrmally sleeps in a twin bed so moving up to a king sized bed gives him the opportunity to stretch out a bit. What other explanation could there be for sleeping sideways on the bed. It's as if the three of us were trying to make an "H" as seen from above. I am pushed to the very edge of the bed. So far that my nose touches my night table. My son kicks me in the kidneys or hits me depending upon which way he's facing. This continues for several nights but I stop counting.
Week Seven: We're supposed to have The Big Duffy Family Weekend. That is, my older brother is supposed to pick up the crew and drive east so we can have some sort of family gathering. I was supposed to host this year. I actually requested this. (I must have been drinking or something). Actually, it seemed less stressful to host than to pick up the whole crew and move them to NJ for the weekend at my parent's house. Eldest will not sleep anywhere other than home and previous trips to NJ were 3 hour screaming fits. Now, however, I'd be insane to attempt either. I called my parents and told them that for reasons of personal sanity as well as financial, we can't do it this year (breaking our six year streak).
My dad was disappointed but accepted it and I think he even understood. My mom, however, went bananas. We spoke...well, that's not true. She cried and harrangued and I mostly tried to get in a word. Epic fail on my part. She told me I hate my brother (I don't) and that I can't stand to be in the same room with him (not true) and our family is dysfunctional (not really) and blah blah blah. She's bawling and telling me she's a horrible person because she raised two kids that can't stand each other. Her passive aggressive way of telling me I'm a shit.
Well, at least she's not overstating things. The woman really needs to get a sense of proportion.
This tirade was predicated on two things:
1. My brother said he wanted to stay for one night only. They would arrive in the afternoon on Sunday, stay in a hotel and leave on Monday afternoon. I was insulted that he didn't want to stay at my house and was leaving so quickly after arriving. Plus if you're staying at a hotel, I'll see you for about 12 minutes a day. By the time you get everyone up, showered, dressed, fed and over to my house it would be nearly noon which means it's time to have lunch, put the wee ones down for a nap etc etc. The back and forth between the hotel and house and putting kids to bed and whatever would mean we'd have about 3 hours a day to spend together that didn't involve either shutttling, napping or eating something.
It seemed pointless. (NB: this was before the whole not sleeping/midnight pooping thing and we thought we were in for that weekend). I was annoyed, felt slighted and told my parents that.
2. My mom is estranged from her sister. AFAIK, they've had one conversation in the last 20 years. "Why?" I hear you ask. Well, about 20 years ago, my grandmother started to get a little foggy. My spinster aunt had been living with her and taking care of her. Said aunt had recently lost a long fight with cancer. With no one nearby to check on her daily they had to come up with a plan that didn't involve a nursing home. The sold her house and split the proceeds between my mom, her brother and sister. When the finally found a house for grandma, my sister announced that she has spend the money on bills and other "necessities".
I was never told directly but believe that more than a few things weren't strictly necessary. My mother was (rightly) disgusted and said "I hope someday your children treat you the way you treated your mother." Sadly, but predictably they did.
So based on 1 and 2 my mom makes a logical leap that Evel Kinevel wouldn't attempt to think that means I'm never going to speak to my brother. In a second phone call she steamrolls me and won't listen, only talk. Her closing comment is something to the effect that she's going to cry her way through her vacation to Hawaii. (I'm thinking that I'd love to be crying my way through a Hawaiian vacation.)
So I'm the asshole. So be it. A week goes by and the day before my parents are due to come home, my brother calls. Twenty two minutes later we've sorted almost everything out and in true Three's Company fashion it was largely miscommunication. Throw in some slapstick and Don Knotts and we'd have a full episode.
My parents return and my call but I miss the first one as I'm putting the kids to bed and I opt not to call back but rather eat my dinner in peace and not ruin my night be rehasing it.
I talk to them the next day and my mom is chatting like nothing has happened. This is, of course, typical. She's always been this way. She burns white hot but flames out quickly.
I manage to get past the small talk and explain that my brother and I may not have solved everything but he's my brother and I love him and vice versa. We promised to be more open and avoid anything like this in the future. I also explain that I need some changes in our relationship.
They are:
1. No more parenting me. I'm all grown up and your job is done. I appreciate that you're trying to help but it's not helping. You did a fine job raising me have faith in yourself and me.
2. Do not countermand or undermine my parenting. Right or wrong they are my kids so butt out. Disagreeing with me in front of the kids is disrespectful. You wouldn't do it with your friends and neighbors, don't do it with me.
3. Respect my decsions especially when you don't agree. You don't know everything that's going on in my life. I make decisions based on careful consideration not whimsy. I always put the best interest of my family first. That may conflict with extended family plans.
Deal with it.
4. I need to be able to talk to you openly and honestly without you crying and hanging up.
Otherwise, small, solveable problems will fester and grow into major ones.
She agreed and told me she "tries very hard not to interfere". Syria interferes in Lebannon less than she does in my life.
Much work to do but at least we're all talking now.
The Airconditioning disaster:
So on the Sunday we were supposed to have visitors I noticed it was warmer than usual in the house I checked the thermostat and it shows 76. One degree warmer. Nothing to worry about, it's probably just b/c it's so humid outside. Later, after the kids are in bed, the wife and I sit down to watch a movie. I hear a strange noise that sounds like water running through a hose. "Did you leave the hose on?" she asks? "No, haven't touched it and there's no hose bib there anyway." I say. I head down to the basement and it's the freon line from the compressor outside. The copper is searing hot (found that out the hard way). That. Is. Not. Good. Does. Not. Want. I turn the compressor off and leave the fan on. There's a large block of ice now resident in the vent and the quickest way to melt it is to leave the fan on. We call our friends at H&G Heating to come look. They were out earlier in the year when the system seemed to be lagging. That time they found a leak and gave us a freon charge. We were lucky enough to get a next day appointment as they were going to be in the area. They sent the same tech as last time. He's a good guy and has been doing HVAC systems for 30 years. I shift nervously as he does the exam. Lips pursed and shaking his head he says there's another leak somewhere and the compressor is shot.
My knees go weak and I see spots. Should I faint and just get it over with now? Nah, I'll wait for the bill.
He gives a grim farewell and says the boss will call. He does and it's not good. The A/C unit is dead. They can fix it but they don't reccommend that. He suggests three options:
1. Repair the builder grade crap unit.
2. Replace A/C unit only
3. Replace the whole shebang.
The prices for each option are best described as:
1. Ouch
2. Holy shit!
3. ZOMFG!!!!1!!!1111!!!
I call to get some other quotes but nobody is cheaper. A few don't bother to call me back.
I wish I had a business that was booming so much that I didn't have to call people back.
After much agonizing we went w/ option 3. Why? Well since the A/C was not working properly the blower had to run much more than it is supposed to. That means that motor may be worn and close to giving up the ghost. If that happens after they fix it now it will add another $1000 on to the repair cost. If they do it now, we can avoid that. I have a colleague who's husband is in the HVAC business and I call and explain the situation. He agrees with the H&G guys. If it was his house, he'd replace the whole thing. Not worth the risk.
We call Charile and tell him we're a go for the ZOMFG package and he gives us an appointment two days hence. He's a little too excited for my taste.
We stay at the in laws for two days. My wife, eldest and I do not sleep well. I was on an inflatable mattress on the floor. The second night I woke up when my eldest had climbed into bed with me and peed all over both of us. I haven't had a wakeup call like that since I was at R Kelly's house.
On the Day of the Great Installation the crew arrives @ 8:00 AM. No less than 5 guys in three trucks. One guy has to bleed the freon from the system for proper disposal.
"SSShhhew! This thing is almost empty. I'm amazed it was working at all." Score one in my favor.
After much banging and grunting they get the old system out. They're bringing it to the truck and as they put it on I ask them to open it up to see the state of the motor. I have to know. They share nervous glances. Do they think I'm going to change my mind at this point? Maybe. I stand firm. "I have to know guys." One guys shrugs and pulls the motor out. Scorch marks on the spindle. Praise Jeebus we made the right call. The guys look relieved too.
Another truck arrives and The Mother Of All Airconditioning Units arrives. It is literally 4 times taller than the other one. I'ts over 5' high. "Um...Charlie? What is that monstrosity? I thought we were only going from 3.5 tons to 4 tons." He smiles broadly.
"We are. These units are high efficiency because they have more surface area. It helps with cooling and evaporation."
The old unit had an efficiency rating of 9. The new one is 15. The minimum now allowed by law is 10. You can repair the old ones but can't install them anymore. I'm told it will pay for itself in 4 years. I really really hope so.
We finally get it hooked up and it's 90 degrees in the house. The unit itself is very quiet. You can't tell it's on unless you stand over the vent. It would be an exaggeration to say that when it's on full blast my house looks like the bedroom scene from Poltergeist but not by much. They also helped us balance the house better so we're sending the air where it needs to go. It takes a few hours but the house cools down very quickly once the sun goes down. It cost me a king's ransom but it is amazing. I can now keep the temperature in the house warmer and be equally comfortable. We have excellent airflow in rooms that previously were too warm/too cold depending upon the season.
Next...the upside....
UPDATE: I have no idea why the format of the post was so wonky. I fixed it. Kavips is giving me credit for some sort of unique writing style. I wish I were that creative. Rather, I wrote the post offline in notepad and the carriage returns were just weird.
Week Three: The longest break from work I've had since college. Getting concerned about finances. I called past contracts to see if they needed anyone and scoured Monster, Thingamajob, BrassRing et al. No Dice (if you'll pardon the pun).
Week Four: I'm having trouble sleeping. Worry keeps me awake. My eldest is not sleeping either. He's awake @ 2:30 AM for 6 consecutive days. He does not nap and is very aggressive. Wife and I are tired. We fall into a pattern wherein I get up with him and nap later when the baby takes one.
Week Five: Still nice to be off but being unemployed sucks. I get to spend a lot of time with the kids esp. b/c they're off from school. If there's a time to be unemployed this is it. If they were in school all day I'd be really despondant. However, having them home makes it more bearable. The market is cold and rates are dropping. I get offers in Chicago, Century City and Missiouri. Thanks but no thanks.
Week Six: Sleeplessness returns with a fury. Eldest is aggressive with crying fits and regressing with toilet training. I heard him making noise around 3:00 AM one morning. I went in to check on him. As soon as I opened the door, I knew. Flipped on the light and he had pooped in his bed and it was everywhere. He was crying and upset. I was too tired and stressed to be angry. I woke my wife and she stripped the bed while I gave him a shower.
After much ado, we throw in the towel and let him sleep with us. He manages to drift in and out of sleep. He hits us almost constantly when he's awake. I don't know if it's a desire for attention or merely frustration. When he's fading out he trails of and his hands go still. He nrmally sleeps in a twin bed so moving up to a king sized bed gives him the opportunity to stretch out a bit. What other explanation could there be for sleeping sideways on the bed. It's as if the three of us were trying to make an "H" as seen from above. I am pushed to the very edge of the bed. So far that my nose touches my night table. My son kicks me in the kidneys or hits me depending upon which way he's facing. This continues for several nights but I stop counting.
Week Seven: We're supposed to have The Big Duffy Family Weekend. That is, my older brother is supposed to pick up the crew and drive east so we can have some sort of family gathering. I was supposed to host this year. I actually requested this. (I must have been drinking or something). Actually, it seemed less stressful to host than to pick up the whole crew and move them to NJ for the weekend at my parent's house. Eldest will not sleep anywhere other than home and previous trips to NJ were 3 hour screaming fits. Now, however, I'd be insane to attempt either. I called my parents and told them that for reasons of personal sanity as well as financial, we can't do it this year (breaking our six year streak).
My dad was disappointed but accepted it and I think he even understood. My mom, however, went bananas. We spoke...well, that's not true. She cried and harrangued and I mostly tried to get in a word. Epic fail on my part. She told me I hate my brother (I don't) and that I can't stand to be in the same room with him (not true) and our family is dysfunctional (not really) and blah blah blah. She's bawling and telling me she's a horrible person because she raised two kids that can't stand each other. Her passive aggressive way of telling me I'm a shit.
Well, at least she's not overstating things. The woman really needs to get a sense of proportion.
This tirade was predicated on two things:
1. My brother said he wanted to stay for one night only. They would arrive in the afternoon on Sunday, stay in a hotel and leave on Monday afternoon. I was insulted that he didn't want to stay at my house and was leaving so quickly after arriving. Plus if you're staying at a hotel, I'll see you for about 12 minutes a day. By the time you get everyone up, showered, dressed, fed and over to my house it would be nearly noon which means it's time to have lunch, put the wee ones down for a nap etc etc. The back and forth between the hotel and house and putting kids to bed and whatever would mean we'd have about 3 hours a day to spend together that didn't involve either shutttling, napping or eating something.
It seemed pointless. (NB: this was before the whole not sleeping/midnight pooping thing and we thought we were in for that weekend). I was annoyed, felt slighted and told my parents that.
2. My mom is estranged from her sister. AFAIK, they've had one conversation in the last 20 years. "Why?" I hear you ask. Well, about 20 years ago, my grandmother started to get a little foggy. My spinster aunt had been living with her and taking care of her. Said aunt had recently lost a long fight with cancer. With no one nearby to check on her daily they had to come up with a plan that didn't involve a nursing home. The sold her house and split the proceeds between my mom, her brother and sister. When the finally found a house for grandma, my sister announced that she has spend the money on bills and other "necessities".
I was never told directly but believe that more than a few things weren't strictly necessary. My mother was (rightly) disgusted and said "I hope someday your children treat you the way you treated your mother." Sadly, but predictably they did.
So based on 1 and 2 my mom makes a logical leap that Evel Kinevel wouldn't attempt to think that means I'm never going to speak to my brother. In a second phone call she steamrolls me and won't listen, only talk. Her closing comment is something to the effect that she's going to cry her way through her vacation to Hawaii. (I'm thinking that I'd love to be crying my way through a Hawaiian vacation.)
So I'm the asshole. So be it. A week goes by and the day before my parents are due to come home, my brother calls. Twenty two minutes later we've sorted almost everything out and in true Three's Company fashion it was largely miscommunication. Throw in some slapstick and Don Knotts and we'd have a full episode.
My parents return and my call but I miss the first one as I'm putting the kids to bed and I opt not to call back but rather eat my dinner in peace and not ruin my night be rehasing it.
I talk to them the next day and my mom is chatting like nothing has happened. This is, of course, typical. She's always been this way. She burns white hot but flames out quickly.
I manage to get past the small talk and explain that my brother and I may not have solved everything but he's my brother and I love him and vice versa. We promised to be more open and avoid anything like this in the future. I also explain that I need some changes in our relationship.
They are:
1. No more parenting me. I'm all grown up and your job is done. I appreciate that you're trying to help but it's not helping. You did a fine job raising me have faith in yourself and me.
2. Do not countermand or undermine my parenting. Right or wrong they are my kids so butt out. Disagreeing with me in front of the kids is disrespectful. You wouldn't do it with your friends and neighbors, don't do it with me.
3. Respect my decsions especially when you don't agree. You don't know everything that's going on in my life. I make decisions based on careful consideration not whimsy. I always put the best interest of my family first. That may conflict with extended family plans.
Deal with it.
4. I need to be able to talk to you openly and honestly without you crying and hanging up.
Otherwise, small, solveable problems will fester and grow into major ones.
She agreed and told me she "tries very hard not to interfere". Syria interferes in Lebannon less than she does in my life.
Much work to do but at least we're all talking now.
The Airconditioning disaster:
So on the Sunday we were supposed to have visitors I noticed it was warmer than usual in the house I checked the thermostat and it shows 76. One degree warmer. Nothing to worry about, it's probably just b/c it's so humid outside. Later, after the kids are in bed, the wife and I sit down to watch a movie. I hear a strange noise that sounds like water running through a hose. "Did you leave the hose on?" she asks? "No, haven't touched it and there's no hose bib there anyway." I say. I head down to the basement and it's the freon line from the compressor outside. The copper is searing hot (found that out the hard way). That. Is. Not. Good. Does. Not. Want. I turn the compressor off and leave the fan on. There's a large block of ice now resident in the vent and the quickest way to melt it is to leave the fan on. We call our friends at H&G Heating to come look. They were out earlier in the year when the system seemed to be lagging. That time they found a leak and gave us a freon charge. We were lucky enough to get a next day appointment as they were going to be in the area. They sent the same tech as last time. He's a good guy and has been doing HVAC systems for 30 years. I shift nervously as he does the exam. Lips pursed and shaking his head he says there's another leak somewhere and the compressor is shot.
My knees go weak and I see spots. Should I faint and just get it over with now? Nah, I'll wait for the bill.
He gives a grim farewell and says the boss will call. He does and it's not good. The A/C unit is dead. They can fix it but they don't reccommend that. He suggests three options:
1. Repair the builder grade crap unit.
2. Replace A/C unit only
3. Replace the whole shebang.
The prices for each option are best described as:
1. Ouch
2. Holy shit!
3. ZOMFG!!!!1!!!1111!!!
I call to get some other quotes but nobody is cheaper. A few don't bother to call me back.
I wish I had a business that was booming so much that I didn't have to call people back.
After much agonizing we went w/ option 3. Why? Well since the A/C was not working properly the blower had to run much more than it is supposed to. That means that motor may be worn and close to giving up the ghost. If that happens after they fix it now it will add another $1000 on to the repair cost. If they do it now, we can avoid that. I have a colleague who's husband is in the HVAC business and I call and explain the situation. He agrees with the H&G guys. If it was his house, he'd replace the whole thing. Not worth the risk.
We call Charile and tell him we're a go for the ZOMFG package and he gives us an appointment two days hence. He's a little too excited for my taste.
We stay at the in laws for two days. My wife, eldest and I do not sleep well. I was on an inflatable mattress on the floor. The second night I woke up when my eldest had climbed into bed with me and peed all over both of us. I haven't had a wakeup call like that since I was at R Kelly's house.
On the Day of the Great Installation the crew arrives @ 8:00 AM. No less than 5 guys in three trucks. One guy has to bleed the freon from the system for proper disposal.
"SSShhhew! This thing is almost empty. I'm amazed it was working at all." Score one in my favor.
After much banging and grunting they get the old system out. They're bringing it to the truck and as they put it on I ask them to open it up to see the state of the motor. I have to know. They share nervous glances. Do they think I'm going to change my mind at this point? Maybe. I stand firm. "I have to know guys." One guys shrugs and pulls the motor out. Scorch marks on the spindle. Praise Jeebus we made the right call. The guys look relieved too.
Another truck arrives and The Mother Of All Airconditioning Units arrives. It is literally 4 times taller than the other one. I'ts over 5' high. "Um...Charlie? What is that monstrosity? I thought we were only going from 3.5 tons to 4 tons." He smiles broadly.
"We are. These units are high efficiency because they have more surface area. It helps with cooling and evaporation."
The old unit had an efficiency rating of 9. The new one is 15. The minimum now allowed by law is 10. You can repair the old ones but can't install them anymore. I'm told it will pay for itself in 4 years. I really really hope so.
We finally get it hooked up and it's 90 degrees in the house. The unit itself is very quiet. You can't tell it's on unless you stand over the vent. It would be an exaggeration to say that when it's on full blast my house looks like the bedroom scene from Poltergeist but not by much. They also helped us balance the house better so we're sending the air where it needs to go. It takes a few hours but the house cools down very quickly once the sun goes down. It cost me a king's ransom but it is amazing. I can now keep the temperature in the house warmer and be equally comfortable. We have excellent airflow in rooms that previously were too warm/too cold depending upon the season.
Next...the upside....
UPDATE: I have no idea why the format of the post was so wonky. I fixed it. Kavips is giving me credit for some sort of unique writing style. I wish I were that creative. Rather, I wrote the post offline in notepad and the carriage returns were just weird.
Comments
Good heavens. I’ve had a streak of bad luck lately, but at least I have some moments of calm.
I’m just waiting to be laid off … it could be next week, or it could be six months from now. No way to tell. We’re just trying to prepare by paying off as much debt as possible.
My car took a dump. They say it is some computer thing, so the better half drives me to the train station, where I get a train that puts me into Philly at 07:15. Today the train was 45 minutes late ! I had no where to go, and nothing to do but wait. Hopefully today I’ll get the car back, but I’ll also be hit with the bill !
Aside from financial insecurity and no transportation, life is good.
Sigh.
Hang in there.