War on Nature II


After losing the Battle of Pencader Manor, Mother Nature continues the fight. Friday I had to vacate the Manor for the Battle Bridge* as a play date was imminent. It was a beautiful day so I had the windows open. Zipping along merrily on my way when a wasp Satan's Own Winged Minion entered the cockpit of the Duffmobile. He began his assault and I began defense. I started defense with the standard yelping and swatting. Somehow it didn't occur to me to slow down. Chalk that up to panic. He got me on the palm of my hand. It started to swell and itch almost immediately. Finally I gave one good swat and out the window he went. The upside of not slowing down was that he was very quickly behind me. Ha! You better bring a better air assault than that baby!

Once at the Battle Bridge I logged in and started working. It was cool so I thought I'd sit in the sunroom. I opened the door to the sunroom and was met by volcanic heat that was so voluminous it practically lifted me off the ground. I checked the register and it was showing so high that it wouldn't register. I felt the vent and hot air was blasting out. OK. I switched the system off and...nothing. I look around and see that the pillar candles are listing. They look like a group of drunks trying to hold each other up. There's a bottle of wine in the rack and the cork is halfway pushed out due to the heat. I open the windows and turn on the ceiling fan. If I can't turn it off, maybe I can switch on A/C. Try that and...no change. OK, gotta switch off the breaker. After milling around the basement for 20 minutes looking for it, I give up and call my Father In Law. His cell phone is off. Fine. Back to work and I'll try again later. I check on the room after 20 min. of the windows open the temperature is now down to 99 degrees. The highest the register goes for indoor temps. Finally FIL calls back and directs me to the breaker panel in the garage (!) and I shut off the HVAC for that room.


The Great Lawncare Extravaganza. My parents were in town so it gave me a much needed chance to mow, thatch, weed, feed etc. I started by mowing and my neighbor was kind enough to let me use his riding mower. That would save about 2 hours out of my day. I got it started and went around back. I was going merrily along when I looked behind me and saw that it wasn't cutting. Seems that there is a different lever to engage the blades he forgot to mention. So I had two laps around the track with no blades spinning. My own little go kart ride. Buzzed around and got my lawn all done but had to use the small mower to go over it to pick up the clippings. Also, my garbage company doesn't take grass anymore so I have to compost it. Apparently you need to be a dryad to figure out how. There is nitrogen, newspaper and God knows what else involved. (Anyway I'll update on that one as we go.) So I had to mulch the beds and one bed need to be turned with peat moss. Halfway through my endeavors Mother Nature renewed her personal animus towards me in the form of a very heavy downpour. That soaked everything and started the peat running down the driveway. !@$#!@#$!@#$. Fine. Skies clear, resume as normal. This happened three more times. She finally saw I wasn't going to quit so she did. I even washed the car but in a finally poke in the eye with a sharp stick, she sent a starling to poop on my newly cleaned car. I'll bet you a krugerand it's the same damn bird that is squatting in my grill.

* In-laws house


Paul Smith Jr. said…
"Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese." -- Mr. Burns

Battle on, warrior!

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