Putting an end to polls

*Ring Ring*

I look at the phone and see an 888 number. A familiar number as they have been calling daily for my opinion on various things political.

I made the mistake of answering their questions the first time. It was a lark and I gave some serious and some absurd responses. Stupid me. That put me on the "This Idiot Will Actually Answer Our Questions" list.

*Ring Ring*

Mrs. Duffy: Don't answer that!
Duffy: I'm putting and end to this.
(answers phone)

Duffy: Hello?
Annoying Pollster: Hello sir, I'm doing a survey of voters in Delaware...
Duffy (interrupting): Oh, I can't vote, I'm a convicted felon
AP: Oh....uh...is there anyone else there who's a registered voter?
Duffy: Nope. We're all felons here. (SamnEric blast through the room at a full run and at full volume) And some pre-felons. This is a halfway house for predicate felon single fathers and their and their pre-felon children.

(at this Mrs. Duffy's eyes are as large as dinner plates and she's positively slackjawed)

AP: Oh...uh...OK. Wow. Have a nice night.
Duffy: kthxbye

Mrs. Duffy: I cannot believe you just did that.
Duffy: Why?
Mrs Duffy: They're going to think we're felons!
Duffy: Let's hope so.
Mrs. Duffy: That's not funny
Duffy: Sure it is. Trust me.
Mrs. Duffy: Why not just let it ring?
Duffy: Because then they keep calling and I wouldn't get to torment them.
Mrs. Duffy: I give up.
Duffy: The wise choice. Discretion is the better part of valor

Comments

Anonymous said…
heh! now you're on a whole new list.
I was online this morning and someone posted a felon search engine site. A few people tried it out with everyone weighing in that it was a hoax. Felons living in shopping malls and on airport tarmac etc.
5:46 PM
a most peculiar nature said…
Funny ! My S.O. engages telemarketers and pollsters all the time. I think he has developed lasting relationships with some of them, while I just roll my eyes. Myself, I either don't answer at all or hang up on them.
8:18 AM
Paul Smith Jr. said…
Felons living in shopping malls and on airport tarmac etc.

1) I wouldn't put it past felons to give false addresses and government officials not to verify them.
2) Or maybe they're homeless felons and that really is where they "live."

I actually enjoy answering surveys. If I answer a call that turns out to be a survey, I almost always respond. I just like telling people what I think. It's why I started blogging, so I obviously don't even care if no one's listening.
6:36 PM
mkfreeberg said…
They tell me polls have become so methodical and so precise, that any variance they have with what really ultimately happens is insignificant. Every now and then, they also tell me about a polling organization that is "unusually" prescient, and that organization says X.

Both of those cannot be true; only one or the other can.

I'm further told that polls have become more and more militantly scientific, sampling with such sophisticated methodology that quality predictions can be made of the behavior of millions, by sampling barely over a thousand, because randomness is introduced in the sampling at every single layer.

And yet, there are people like me who are never, ever polled.

And there are people like you who are pestered constantly.

I think I have a good grasp by now of what "random" is. That ain't it.
10:40 AM
The Last Ephor said…
When I was a college student (many moons ago), I took a course in statistics. I was able to show that selective sampling would produce whatever result I wanted. Statistically significant but skewed. How? I stood outside the woman's only dorm to ask one question and the men's only dorm to ask it again. Both times I received heavily weighted majorities with exact opposite results. Both were statistically significant samples. Take from that what you will.
2:09 PM
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