Ruminations on Technology

Things I know about software:

I used to work with a program called Paradox. Never was there a more apt name for any piece of software

I also used to work with Easytrieve the most inapt name for any piece of software.

I know that "hotfixes" and "patches" are things that fix a known problem and create all sorts of new and unknown ones.

I know that technical writers are liars and weasels.

I know that when a customer signs off on code review and testing, they have neither reviewed the code nor tested it.

I know that marketing and sales guys are delusional sociopaths.

I know that sales reps will offer to pay your mortgage before they make a sale and don't recognize you 9 seconds after one.

I know that software has bugs not "undocumented features"

Nobody reads the manual

Installation is never easy

Uninstallation is even worse

If you have a server available for use by certain software, it will be the wrong file system

Clients will install multiple versions of the same software on the same box and then wonder why it's buggy

No one ever has a test environment or test data.

Clients will install Dev, Test and Prod on one box and act surprised when something goes wrong.

Whenever you get a call that "all systems are down" and "no one can do any work" you can guarantee nobody will have any idea what you're talking about when you arrive.

Users who demand you sprint to their location because they are working on a project that, if not completed, will endanger all life in the universe, will not be at their desk when you get there.

Publicly owned firms are fanatical about audits, privately held ones have never heard of an audit

Frequently, a manager who is less technical is a better one. They tend to leave technical decisions to technical people

Nobody ever documents anything

Anything that is missing or goes horribly wrong will be blamed on the last person to leave the department

All companies have a microdevelopment gap. Efforts too small to get funded and too large for the helpdesk

The aforementioned gap leads to the inevitable and geometric growth of "spreadmarts"

Never let anyone host anything on a production box that is not production, if you do, it will become production supported

Statement of Work: a club used to beat consultants. All of them contain the tech equivalent of the "necessary and proper" clause in the Constitution. Something like "and any other requirements".

"Quick" questions from users are usually the longest

Comments

Ryan S. said…
Funny!

By the way, Duff, I've been meaning to ask, how did you get your archives to look like that?
3:15 PM
The Last Ephor said…
Look like what?
10:10 AM
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