I'm grumpy today. Why? Oh, I don't know. 4-5 hours of sleep a night for a fortnight might do it. One of the common problems autistic children have is sleep disorders. "Co-morbidity" it's called. I don't like the term because it sounds so, well, morbid. Eldest was awake and ready to play at the ungodly hour of 5:15 yesterday and 4:20 this morning. I had wisely gone to bed at 11:30 so as to minimize the harmful effects of sleep. I'm starting to think I'm some sort of sleep deprivation experiment.

At this point, I'm ready to give up state secrets for a bit of shuteye. Yes, yes, much of this is my fault but I can't be expected to take responsibility now can I? That's just absurd.

When you dream about scoring some Modafinil, you know your life has drastically changed from the halcyon days (not, not that halcion). I have that feeling I used to get after an exam in college. When you're strung out on caffene and too little sleep for too many days. The air was sweet and wam but it was nearly impossible to enjoy. Impervious to sunshine and mild breezes. Even when the last blue book had been handed in and the small wave of relief washed over it was always follwed by the ebb tide of doubt and guilt. Did I study enough?

Eldest, of course, finishes the day like a champ and runs me into the ground…again. Something has to give.

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