Coming home
For the uninitiated I'm a daddy of three. They're all under 5 and they're all boys. At one point I actually had 3 under 3 years old. Yes, they're that close and no, there are no multiples. My wife and I are, however, convinced we know what it's like to have triplets. After all #2 (Connor) and #3 (Ian) are only 10 months apart. They are so close in age that people often ask us if they are twins. This is not an unreasonable assumption as Connor is average sized for his age but Ian is a big boy.
I was explaining what it's like to come home at the end of the day. On the receiving end of this tale was my single, childless friend. Essentially, I live in a world he doesn't understand and he lives in a world I hardly remember.
After my workday I have a modest commute home. Usually it takes me about half an hour. Not bad but it can be frustrating.
When I walk in the door I immediately hear cries of "Dad-eeeeee!" (Believe me when I tell you there is no finer greeting). This is immediately followed by a mini-stampede of two kids running full speed at me. I must crouch down to receive the top-speed hug lest they crash into my legs and head-butt the delicate and sensitive equipment that was responsible for 50% of their genetic code.
Ian immediately wants me to take my shoes and coat off. He's adamant about that for some reason. When I do, he claps and gives me a very enthusiastic "Yay!".
Connor always wants me to go somewhere or do something with him. "Wan play trains wif me? Wan play trains Daddy?" or "You hass come wif me, see Doa (that'd be Dora the Explorer)"
About this time Colin arrives and wants me to either wrestle or aid him in jumping on the joggers trampoline.
I however, have to pee.
I try and explain this but upon hearing of this, they all now insist they must accompany me.
"We hass go wif you. We hass go 'gether!" says Connor.
I've been told to indulge them as it aides in potty-training. My wife finds this all massively amusing. I go to the bathroom which is also the SMALLEST bathroom in the house. There's barely enough room for my entourage and I to fit. It's like taking a drug test in with the Lollipop Guild as the lab technicians.
Colin is only along for the ride and wants to turn on the sink. He's tall enough now that he can reach. I try to discourage this b/c he also has figured out that he can push the stopper down in the sink which will cause the water to fill up in the sink. Now I have some sort of Evil Bond Villain timer set for me while I have to go. If I take too long, the water will fill the sink and begin flooding the bathroom. Colin knows that while I am pre-occupied I cannot turn off the water nor can I pull up the stopper. For that matter, neither can he. He is tall enough to reach the bottom of the sink to push the stopper down but not tall enough to pull the mechanism at the back of the sink to drain it. Similarly, he can reach the front of the spigot to turn the water on but either cannot reach to turn the water off or he's simply not interested in doing so. I suspect the latter more than the former.
Connor has placed himself on the decorative red bench that is supposed to hold a plant or some such but has been pressed into service for potty training to they can reach the bowl. He says he's going to "look at spiders and snakes". I ask where they are and he points vaguely towards the bowl and says "over there."
Ok. Great.
Colin is waiting for the show to begin.
Finally, I get started.
Colin now decides he wants to reach out and grab the stream. "No! NO! DON'T TOUCH". Now I have to shift to the left to avoid his grasp while still remaining on target. He compensates for my new trajectory. Now I appear to be performing some sort of obscene Riverdance. This duel continues until I'm done.
"YAY!" Says Ian.
“Good Job Daddy!” Connor shouts enthusiastically. He then flushes for me as he believes this is his job and the most fun part of the whole endeavor.
“Now I hash wash my hands.” He says attempting to scale the vanity and reaches for the sink.
I rush to get myself zipped up and help him before he injures himself. I wash, he washes and I herd them out of the bathroom.
For the uninitiated I'm a daddy of three. They're all under 5 and they're all boys. At one point I actually had 3 under 3 years old. Yes, they're that close and no, there are no multiples. My wife and I are, however, convinced we know what it's like to have triplets. After all #2 (Connor) and #3 (Ian) are only 10 months apart. They are so close in age that people often ask us if they are twins. This is not an unreasonable assumption as Connor is average sized for his age but Ian is a big boy.
I was explaining what it's like to come home at the end of the day. On the receiving end of this tale was my single, childless friend. Essentially, I live in a world he doesn't understand and he lives in a world I hardly remember.
After my workday I have a modest commute home. Usually it takes me about half an hour. Not bad but it can be frustrating.
When I walk in the door I immediately hear cries of "Dad-eeeeee!" (Believe me when I tell you there is no finer greeting). This is immediately followed by a mini-stampede of two kids running full speed at me. I must crouch down to receive the top-speed hug lest they crash into my legs and head-butt the delicate and sensitive equipment that was responsible for 50% of their genetic code.
Ian immediately wants me to take my shoes and coat off. He's adamant about that for some reason. When I do, he claps and gives me a very enthusiastic "Yay!".
Connor always wants me to go somewhere or do something with him. "Wan play trains wif me? Wan play trains Daddy?" or "You hass come wif me, see Doa (that'd be Dora the Explorer)"
About this time Colin arrives and wants me to either wrestle or aid him in jumping on the joggers trampoline.
I however, have to pee.
I try and explain this but upon hearing of this, they all now insist they must accompany me.
"We hass go wif you. We hass go 'gether!" says Connor.
I've been told to indulge them as it aides in potty-training. My wife finds this all massively amusing. I go to the bathroom which is also the SMALLEST bathroom in the house. There's barely enough room for my entourage and I to fit. It's like taking a drug test in with the Lollipop Guild as the lab technicians.
Colin is only along for the ride and wants to turn on the sink. He's tall enough now that he can reach. I try to discourage this b/c he also has figured out that he can push the stopper down in the sink which will cause the water to fill up in the sink. Now I have some sort of Evil Bond Villain timer set for me while I have to go. If I take too long, the water will fill the sink and begin flooding the bathroom. Colin knows that while I am pre-occupied I cannot turn off the water nor can I pull up the stopper. For that matter, neither can he. He is tall enough to reach the bottom of the sink to push the stopper down but not tall enough to pull the mechanism at the back of the sink to drain it. Similarly, he can reach the front of the spigot to turn the water on but either cannot reach to turn the water off or he's simply not interested in doing so. I suspect the latter more than the former.
Connor has placed himself on the decorative red bench that is supposed to hold a plant or some such but has been pressed into service for potty training to they can reach the bowl. He says he's going to "look at spiders and snakes". I ask where they are and he points vaguely towards the bowl and says "over there."
Ok. Great.
Colin is waiting for the show to begin.
Finally, I get started.
Colin now decides he wants to reach out and grab the stream. "No! NO! DON'T TOUCH". Now I have to shift to the left to avoid his grasp while still remaining on target. He compensates for my new trajectory. Now I appear to be performing some sort of obscene Riverdance. This duel continues until I'm done.
"YAY!" Says Ian.
“Good Job Daddy!” Connor shouts enthusiastically. He then flushes for me as he believes this is his job and the most fun part of the whole endeavor.
“Now I hash wash my hands.” He says attempting to scale the vanity and reaches for the sink.
I rush to get myself zipped up and help him before he injures himself. I wash, he washes and I herd them out of the bathroom.
Comments